Tweaked my survey a little...can't believe I forgot to put "punk" in the "what kind of music do you listen to" options. Geez...

Are you living in the East Bay? Wondering where to go each week? Check out Oaktown Underground.

Aw, thanks sweetie. He's feeling very good today, and the snot's down by about 50%. Whew!

My blog shows up on a search for mom's marrying my man. Gotta feel sorry for some folx...

I made a few calls today, trying to hook Jayden up with a Toys For Tots kind of giveaway. Almost all the toy drives stopped taking applications at the beginning of last week. I had no idea they'd stop before December. The news last night showed marines with big cans collecting at toy stores, so I figured I'd try to get Jayden something. His birthday is in two weeks, and I hoped I'd be able to get a couple toys for his birthday and for Christmas/Channukah. Wah. There are two places that have signups tomorrow, I have to go down there with all kinds of proof of income & residence & such and I want to go, but it's supposed to rain & with Jayden just getting out of the hospital, nix that. It's not such a big deal - he's about to be three, he doesn't get the whole materialistic gimme gimme of the holidays. But he does know what a birthday is, and he knows it means cake and "peasants" to open. At least while he's still this little I can get away with wrapping up some 2 for $1 coloring books for him.

I just had no idea it was too late to get him a toy! Dang. And I went to Single Rose to apply for their Angels program, but that's closed too. Things aren't so bad, my rent & PG&E & phone can be covered, and I'm getting a little bit of food stamps, but I don't even want to turn on the TV 'cause of all the damn sale & toy commercials.

My mom & dad are both broke and I don't expect anything from them. No resentment or anything there, that's just how it be sometimes. My brother and his wife will probably get Jayden something for his birthday and for Christmas. I just wanted to give him something from Mommy, and something from Santa. 'Cause it's cool to believe in fairytales when you're little. I just wish it didn't annoy me so much that the rampant consumerism afflicting everyone & their mama ain't tricklin down to us this year. Bah. Not humbug, just bah.

Movies filmed in Oakland. Remember Made In America? I saw several scenes from that movie being filmed. One of those pre-fab McDonalds went up in like four days, and my pa'tna and I tripped off how one day it was an empty lot, and the next there was a whole restaurant there. Riding the bus one day, we saw a car lot downtown, across from the library, with a big ol' neon sign in front & everything. We were like "what the fuck?"...we rode the bus every day, and that car lot was not there the day before! We were trying to figure out just how potent was the dank we'd just had, and we decided to get off the bus. We walked back a block or two to check out this mystery place and saw all these people in jeans & baseball caps running around moving stuff and found out that it was Whoopi Goldberg's latest movie's set. That was pretty cool.

A couple days later we went down to check it out, and they were filming the scene where Ted Danson runs down the street on the elephant's back. That was a trip. Even with the cameras and movie trailer trucks it was surreal to see an elephant galloping past the library...

Then, I think it was later that week, I was walking down Telegraph and came to a section that was all blocked off, with some cars stopped in the street. I couldn't get close, but I could see everything. They did a bunch of takes where the cars would go a few feet and I guess Whoopi was running in front of them, and when they redid the take they'd back the cars up and get 'em in position again, and start over...that was cool too...

Well damn I must be tired 'cause I got the rambles really bad. That's all for now, folx...

Jayden was in the hospital from after midnight Saturday night until about one o'clock Monday afternoon. His lungs are scarred from being on a ventilator when he was born prematurely. He caught a cold, started having trouble breathing & wasn't responding to the treatments with the nebulizer. I took him to the hospital and they gave him prednisone & continuous albuterol, but he wasn't responding quickly enough so they admitted him. He's doing okay now, still sick, still getting treatments every 4 hours (I almost wrote q4, spent too much time in the hospital, lol!). But he's past the scary part and he's not wheezing anymore and his lungs sound clear.

Sounds terrible, I know, but we've been through this a few times so by now I'm able to take it in stride. The good thing is, I know all the warning signs and what to do so I can take action as soon as he gets sick. And even though they still won't officially diagnose him with asthma, he's now on maintenance meds for at least the winter. They should keep any respiratory infections from getting to that point again.

I'm WORN OUT. Poor baby was so hopped up on the meds Saturday night that he only got 3 hours of sleep (I got even less, needless to say), and then he fought sleep for most of Sunday. He was literally bouncing off the walls. He was climbing on everything he could and driving the Little Tykes cars up & down the hallways like a maniac. He talked the nurses' & docs' ears off and whined about everything and wouldn't hold still, not even to let the respiratory techs listen to his chest or back. He wouldn't keep the pulse ox thingy on his finger or toe and he even locked himself in the bathroom! He finally crashed at almost 6 pm and slept for twelve hours. Then when he got up he was still a bit hyper, but within normal limits. He was a lil bit more agreeable and less manic and laughed and smiled more and actually ate something. When we got home today he slept for 4 hours and woke up happy & active. Now he's sleeping peacefully and I can't hear him breathe unless I put my ear up close to him. That's a very good thing.

So anyway, that was our exciting weekend. Let's hope we don't entertain ourselves that way anymore this winter...

Who were you in a past life? Here's mine:

I do not know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around territory of modern Afghanistan approximately on 1875.
Your profession was map maker, astrologer, astronomer.

----------------------------------------------------------

Your brief psychological profile in that past life:
Timid, constrained, quiet person. You had creative talents, waited till that life to be liberated. Sometimes environment considered you strange.

----------------------------------------------------------

Lesson, that your last past life brought to present:
Your main task -- to make the world more beautiful. Physical and spiritual deserts are just waiting for your touch. Keep smiling!

I stayed up one night last week to finish this book too. I really dig Michael Crichton's stuff, 'cause he's a quick read that doesn't insult my intelligence. And his books are fun.

How was your Thanksgiving? Did you do a small traditional dinner, a big traditional feast, or are you part of an "orphan" group of friends who gets together to celebrate holidays? My Thanksgivings are usually a bit of both. Growing up we didn't make a big deal out of it, and when my brother & I were teens we both left home; there were several years where our family didn't get together for any holidays at all.

I cooked my first Thanksgiving turkey in 1991. That was the year I'd perfected my famous macaroni & cheese casserole, and the first year I made sweet potato pie. I invited some close friends who were like family. My brother came over with some of his buddies, too, and helped clean me out. I didn't have furniture back then so it was mostly a "grab-a-plate-sit-on-the-floor" deal.

Over the next several years I added to my recipe repertoire and improved on the old stand-bys. I finally got greens right, and that became one of the dishes folx were looking forward to each year. I started stuffing my turkeys with halved lemons and actually convinced my mom to make dressing a bunch of years in a row. There were always my good friends & their kids over, and mommy and Danny, and Daddy even made it most years. I became one of those people who starts traditions, and it felt great.

When I was pregnant with Jayden, in 1997, my brother had Thanksgiving at his apartment. I brought some side dishes & a dessert, and his girlfriend & some of their friends brought dishes too. It was nice to not cook the whole thing for once, and with my swollen ankles & aching back comfort was awfully important that year. Then the next year, I took Jayden to dinner with Danny & Mala & their friends at the Lake Merritt Hotel. Last year, we did the potluck thing at their friend Brian's home.

Yesterday we went out to dinner, to Spenger's in Berkeley. It was a nice meal, with our family and Danny & Mala's friends & family. It was a "traditional" turkey dinner; meaning traditionally WASP fare. I'd have loved to eat some greens or mac n cheese yesterday, or some green beans with potatoes & hamhocks. But I had a nice time and as always I enjoyed getting together with Danny & them.

Next year, I'm doing Thanksgiving. Even if I'm still unemployed & poor, I'm cooking. I miss company, and I miss getting compliments on my food. I miss grownups hanging out at my house, I miss being hostess. It's been four Thanksgivings now since I cooked at home and I want to get that tradition going again, at the very least for Jayden's sake. I want him to some day look back and say "man, Thanksgiving ain't Thanksgiving if it ain't at my mama's house".

Come on by next year, I'll fix you a plate.

The following "slamlist" is making its rounds in Blogland. I saw it on Elisabeth's and Cecily's blogs, among others. Here are my answers, and y'all feel free to copy & paste & post your own:

• 1) What is your favorite word? These days it's "thank you", spoken by my son. But among my all time favorites are "obfuscation" and "titillate".
• 2) What is your least favorite word? "no" - again, coming from Jayden. I also can't stand the word "mulatto".
• 3) What turns you on? original thoughts, big gentle hands, creativity
• 4) What turns you off? narrow mindedness, misogyny, a man who hasn't read a book since high school
• 5) What sound do you love? steel drums or marimbas
• 6) What sound do you hate? other people, um, tinkling...
• 7) What is your favorite curse word? "trick tramp ho"
• 8) What profession other than yours would you like to attempt? acting, writing fiction
• 9) What profession would you not like to participate in? logging, politics, law enforcement
• 10) If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? "Welcome! Your daughter, best friend, and beloved family members are waiting to see you right over there..."

My Who names are Suave Star Marziboo-Who and Musician Mandy Sassy-snew-Who. I like 'em, don't you?

I normally try to be aware of everything I say around my son. Sometimes in adult conversation I will use profanity, and Jayden might hear it. I don't worry about that as much as I worry about using profanity when talking to him or when he and I are alone together. Something else I'm concerned with is his perception of race. I don't want him to refer to people as "the white boy" or "the black girl", especially while he's still learning about differences. I definitely don't want him to be colorstruck at a young age; because he's biracial I hope to give him a healthy sense of identity, and to encourage him to develop his own perception of race, based on his experiences and relationships.

That said...this morning Jayden woke me up after I'd gotten, oh, maybe three hours of sleep. I was pretty groggy and not exactly a perky ray of sunshine as I stumbled into the living room, where he asked me to turn on the TV. I turned it on because I was too tired to say "no" and do something else with him. A commercial came on for a toy called "Lil T". It's a boy doll, that talks and responds to what the kid is doing. A few seconds into the commercial Jayden said "I gon get that!", which is his way of saying "I want it". I didn't mean to say it out loud, but I mumbled "you can have it if there's a black one". And Jayden went straight to his crayon box and said "I gon make it back". He was serious too.

My parents were both born & raised in Chicago. They moved to San Francisco in 1967 and got married and had me. No, they weren't hippies; my daddy was a conductor & gripman on the cable cars and my mommy was a full time mommy. They didn't have much contact with their families, and over the years it dwindled to a letter or phone call once or twice a year. My brother and I have dozens of cousins but we never knew any of them.

In 1984, my aunt, uncle and 13 year old cousin came to the US from Israel. They visited San Francisco to see us and to attend the Democratic convention. They were the first relatives I'd met since I was a baby. It was the first time I ever really felt connected to people outside of the four of us - Me, Danny, Mommy, Daddy. It felt good.

In 1990 my brother and I took our first plane ride, to Chicago. We spent a week with our cousins on Mommy's side, and attended a family reunion. We spent the next with our aunt, uncle & cousin on Daddy's side. It was a wonderful time, and we finally met all these people who'd just been names, characters in the stories our parents told about growing up.

In 1991, we took a trip down to Los Angeles. We stayed with our "godmother" and "godsister". One of the afternoons we were there, my brother, father and I went to Fairfax Avenue and met some more cousins. And an auntie. We had a wonderfully raucous lunch and talked about ourselves all afternoon.

For the past ten years I've kept in touch with one cousin, my mother's sister's daughter. She and I are only a few months apart and we have an awful lot in common; we only talk every now and then but man, when we do, we can run our mouths for hours. My father's sisters are all much older than he, and some of their kids have kids around the same ages as me & Danny.

Wednesday evening we had a kind of reunion, right here in my apartment! My cousin Adam, originally from Southern California, lives in San Francisco now. His sister Tanya was up here this week on business. And my cousin Avner, originally from Israel, is in the US with his girlfriend for a few months. They're in the Bay Area too, on their way down to LA for a big bar mitzvah (my other cousin, Zita's, 4 boys are having all theirs in one big shindig). Danny & Mala came over and ordered pizzas; and for a few hours we were knee deep in cousins. It was incredible.

I used to feel really left out when my friends would have these big extended family get-togethers for holidays and birthdays, or when they'd have close relationships with cousins. I never knew any other family and felt like we were missing out on something. So to have a bunch of people in a room who are all related to me was a really awesome feeling.

And you can best believe Jayden showed out. He, of course, didn't have a moment's doubt that all those people were there for his benefit. He talked, boogied, flirted, hammed it up. And Brandy, not to be outdone, made sure she got some tennis-ball throwing out of our company.

So, we talked, ate, laughed at Jayden, talked some more. Made promises to stay in touch and hook up again, and I sure hope we do. I really liked hanging out with my cousins and I want Jayden to feel that, oh I don't know, belonging to a big family, that something I always felt I lacked.

Anyway, it's damn near 6 in the morning (police at my door, fresh adidas squeak across the bathroom floor/out the back window, I make my escape/didn't even get a chance to grab my oldskool tape) and I haven't been asleep yet; I got online after Jayden went to bed and did a lot of catching up (with a news & Conan O'Brien break). So I'm finna crash...peace...

So, it turns out that Ming Na's babydaddy is Morris Chestnutt! MORRIS CHESTNUTT!

Let me just state for the record that I full-on lust after Morris Chestnutt. He should be my man. I would have a dozen babies for him. I would iron his draws every day until forever just to get close to him. I'm not really the kind of person to have celebrity crushes, but Morris just turns me on, he always has ever since Boyz in tha Hood. And he's like ten times finer now than he was back then! I like the way he looked at Ming Na when she pulled out the adoption papers talking about he needs to sign them. Like, "yeah right, you ain't giving MY baby away!" This is so cool. I hope I get to look at him every week on ER from now on.

Yay! I can blog again. I swear, if I didn't have 50 MB free from them, I wouldn't fuck with Geocities at all.

I spent the weekend in San Jose with my play-sister and niece. Debb is pregnant, and her baby shower was Saturday. She was showered, alright - the girl got everything you could hope for a new baby; and then she called me today to tell me that she got a surprise shower at her job! Awww.

A while ago, someone gave me The Sims. I was STOKED. But after I installed it on my PC, and tried to play it, I realized that this crappy lil' monitor won't support 800x600 resolution games. Waaaahhhh...well Debb had been coveting the game for months, so I brought it to her house, so she could play until I get a new monitor (which will prolly be NEVER). I spent a good part of the weekend playing it, along with my 15 year old niece Crystal and Lenisha, a 9 year old friend of the family. Can you believe last night I dreamed about The Sims?! I was designing a house in my dreams. Now ain't that a damn shame?

All right. I'm testing this "no file rename" option, in the hopes it will work and circumvent this damn Geocities problem.

4 hours until ER. Is Mark going to die?! Oh I hope not, that'd be awful. He's the cutest balding, weak-chinned white guy I've ever seen.

Yeah, I'm hooked on ER. Blame it on my mama. See, for years I've worked swing shift, which meant that I didn't watch much prime time TV. So I'd seen ER a couple times, maybe, but avoided getting into it because of my schedule. Well, when Jayden was born I was off work for around four months. Moms was living in my apt, and I had a cable hookup. She watched ER every Thursday nite, and so I did, when I wasn't at the hospital with Jayden. Right around the time he was born TNT (or was it TBS?) started showing ER every night. So, I watched it when I was home, from the beginning, and I got completely hooked. I hate being that into a TV show, but there it is. Now that I'm unemployed I never have to miss it.

I was unemployed in 1998, too, for around three months. Jayden was a baby and just starting to crawl & cruise on the furniture. ER was on every night, and when the theme music came on he would stop whatever he was doing and make his way to the table in front of the TV. He'd pull himself up on the table and dance to the music! He was digging the flashing lights too. To this day, when he hears that music (yes my baby is often up that late at night), he starts dancing and jumping around.

Please don't kill Dr Green! And if you do, give Elizabeth a non-doctor to date, 'k? Or at least someone from another hospital.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm a really good cook? Yeah, I can shake some pots. Tonight I made smothered chicken, dirty rice, peas, and broccoli. Two veggies with dinner every night, you should try it. And I steam my veggies too. And I never, ever, buy veggies in a can. That's just nasty.

I don't make smothered chicked too often, because I make a roux. If you don't know what that is, it's basically a sauce base. It's oil or grease or butter heated up in a pan, and then flour (I use a combination of flour and a lil' bit of cornstarch) stirred in. And stirred. And stirred. And stirred. Depending on the color you want to end up with (tan for smothered chicken, dark reddish brown for gumbo), you stir for a long time, or for a really long time. The lighter color roux takes oh, about 5 to 8 minutes, and it gives a mild flavor to the gravy. The darker roux can take up to 40 minutes and adds a deep, rich flavor, which is why I use dark roux for gumbo.

So anyway, that's why I rarely make smothered chicken anymore; it's just too labor intensive for me. But since Jayden fell asleep while I was getting ready to make dinner, and I had some boneless thighs to cook, I took the time to hook it all up. And dirty rice ain't too easy either, unless you have a box of Zatarain's, but I made it from scratch.

You wish you had dinner at my house tonight.

Bill Gates' foundation gives $15 million to Oakland schools.

Were the roles to be reversed, I believe the Republicans would be responding exactly as the Democrats are now (not all Dems are liberals, btw, although I definitely am). And I'd heard complaints about the electoral college process - from all sides - long before election day.

Reason #426 Why I Will Never Visit Florida. Of course, were I to list the reasons in order, this would be somewhere in the top 5, right up there with flying cockroaches and Miami Bass.

I'd rather be with you/until I'm through/oh yes I do/I'd rather be with you/until that day/we'll fly away/I just love that smiling face/in the early sun/if I can't have you to myself/then life's no fun
Bootsy Collins, I'd Rather Be With You

Nah, I don't have anyone in mind. I'm loveless, have been for a very long time. affection-, companionship-, date- and sex-less too. *sigh* But I love me some Bootsy regardless. So there.

what's up with blogger?

NPR just announced that the New York Times has stopped the presses! Wow. Never thought I'd hear that phrase outside the movies! Is there hope for us yet?!

Elis and Cherica made my night. I just read both of their blogs and I've gotta say that a compliment or two will do wonders for a bad mood. J

And hey girl, missed you, glad you're "back".
BTW - am I the only one who looks at her URL and hears Deniece Williams?

One fucking vote?! Fuck! Fuck! Damn Oregonians voting for Nader. Damn damn damn.

Damn anti-semites in the Democratic party. Yeah, they're there, and they're pissed about Lieberman.

FUCK!

Maybe I can find a way to move to Canada before the skinhead militias start blowing us up.

Oh yeah. Did you watch Dateline last night on NBC? They did a feature, "Why your vote may not count", about the electoral college. In my opinion it was very irresponsible of them to present that piece. Great - influence those knee-jerk idiots, the ones who only read headlines and take soundbites for substance, to stay home because it don't matter if they vote. On some level I'd say yeah, if you're that stupid I don't want you voting for my president; but on every other level I feel that everyone in the country who's eligible needs to get their asses in the polling places. That's the closest we'll come to ever having a true democracy in this bipartisan, class divided country.

Cecily, my mother has said that if a majority of Americans elect Bush II, then what he does to the country will be exactly what they deserve. Yes, we'll be right back in that Reagan/Bush I kind of nightmare, but at least we'll be able to say "we told y'all so".

Awww! Just look at that smile! (and Christie, Jayden still wears his star light star bright bunny PJ's too!)

I hope you feel better for your b-day.

Patti, we're older, they're better, and yes, they're sexier than ever. And the Seville STS is my dream car, at least for the "family" car. For personal ridin & sidin, my dream car is a 1969 Cougar XR7 drop top, baby blue, with a chrome kit & white guts. Now that's a sexy car.

Well, what a day so far! I certainly hope this auspicious beginning portends a GORE VICTORY!

For several weeks, Jayden has been wearing cotton "big boy pants" during the day. I ask him every few minutes if he has to pee or poop. Often he'll tell me "no", and then a minute later pee on himself. Some days we go through five or six pairs of wet pants, which can be a real bitch without laundry facilities. But, I'm not being especially insistant or anything, 'cause I don't want him stressin over his bodily functions.

Today we were playing in his room when he came to me and said "Mama take big boy pants off" (he hasn't mastered the art of pulling them down yet). I helped him with the pants, and he ran into the bathroom to the potty. I was pleased that he told me he had to go and all, but when he came back in his room he said "I go poop in potty". I jumped up and sure enough, that's exactly what he'd done! I just can't express how glad one lil' turd made me this morning. I'd been telling him for weeks that when he goes poop in the potty we can go get ice cream. So we got dressed and walked to Quik Stop to get him a Push-up. On the way back we stopped at the fire station and voted. I picked Jayden up and let him poke the hole next to Gore's name. My baby voted for president! Or "pessadin", as he put it. One of the volunteers gave him a whole strip of "I voted" stickers, which went over just fine, and compensated for his disappointment at going into the fire station and not seeing the fire truck.

This evening we're getting together with some other East Bay hipMamas and watching the election returns. There'll be other kids there, and noshes, and it'll be nice to actually hang out with some grownups. Should be a nice (and rare!) evening out for us.

Yesterday we had a nice long walk down to Astro Park, near Lake Merritt. It's been recently renovated; all the play structures that'd been there since I was little are gone, except for some concrete cylinders that Jayden plays drum on. There are two nice plastic & metal play structures, one for toddlers and one for bigger kids; swings, of course, and three spinner thingies that are like sit & spins. Where the big metal spaceship used to be is now a concrete "moon", complete with craters to climb up on. Really nice. And most of the play surface has been replaced with that really soft, bouncy stuff made out of shredded, recycled tires. I'm sure many communities around the country have nice playgrounds for kids, but here in Oakland they're not that common. It's a big relief to have a safe, up-to-date, fun playground. And Astro Park is a great place, too. There's a huge grassy area where soccer games are played almost every day of the week, a branch of the Oakland Public Library, and Lake Merritt is less than a block away. Best of all, it's within walking (with Jayden in the stroller) distance!

Now, go out and vote, I don't care who you vote for, just do it!

GO GORE/LIEBERMAN!

NO ON CALIFORNIA 38!

Oh Misty, I can't tell you how good it is to "see" you. I hope you don't stay away so long again.

Now , I realize that there are a lot of ignorant folx on the 'net; and that many of them need to feel important by either stealing someone's artwork, code, or content, or by starting shit with someone online. This happens all the time, and doesn't surprise me. But I think someone would have to be really stupid to start some shit with Sunshine. She not only gets all the 411, she posts it. She doesn't mince words, pull punches, or hold back. And it's not like she's just jumping in drama all the time - these fools start it with her, or with her online friends. It's funny to me, because when I read about the drama in her blog, it's after she's replied, gotten the stats on whoever it is this time, etc. I know it's not funny to her, though - I couldn't imagine having to defend myself against these idiots, over and over like she does. I doubt I'd be able to make sense of it, the way she does. I'd prolly just babble on about how pissed I am and leave it at that.

Q: Why was the archaeologist depressed?
A: Because his career was in ruins!

Hee hee...I'm a trendsetter...sort of...

I rarely go out to the movies. There are many reasons: no babysitter, no money, nobody to go with, I don't fit in the seats...so I wait for movies to come out on videotape. I recently received two Blockbuster giftcards, and went on a couple of renting sprees. Most of these movies were terrific, and I really wish I had someone to watch them with, or at least discuss 'em. So anyway, I'm just gonna let y'all know what I've been watching. And I'm working on getting some reviews up. Until then, check out the links to The Internet Movie Database.

Recent movies:

• Angela's Ashes
• Anna and the King
• Being John Malkovich
• Erin Brockovich
• Girl, Interrupted
• The Green Mile
• High Fidelity
• The Hurricane
• The Iron Giant
• Liberty Heights
• Next Friday
• Not One Less (subtitled)
• Plunkett and MacLeane
• Run Lola Run (subtitled)
• Snow Falling on Cedars
• Stigmata
• Thomas and the Magic Railroad
• Topsy Turvy
• Toy Story 2
• Xiu Xiu: the Sent Down Girl (subtitled)

Wow, you'd never have guessed that there's actually a name for the look I've acheived in my apartment, a la hand-me-downs and flea markets!

A few years back, I used to take a friend and her son to The City every other weekend, to drop him off with his dad. Sunday evenings, coming back on the lower deck of the Bay Bridge, he would always pipe up in a cute lil' 3 year old voice, "Doggies! Doggies!" It took us quite a while before we figured out that he was talking about the cranes at the Port of Oakland. He wasn't too far off, eh Ev?

Kellea has yet another redesign. It's another really pretty one, check it out.